I think my tire pressure is low.”

Translation: Slow down, will ya?

“I definitely have a flat tire.”

Help me change it

“This trail is a blast!”

I hope you have good medical insurance

“I’m on my beater bike”

I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Carbon Fiber blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

“This is a no-drop ride”

I’ll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

“That wasn’t that bad…”

Oh…my…god… I’m…having…a…heart…attack…

“Wow, that was at least 10 feet high”

5 feet max. probably closer to 4

“I don’t have a low enough gear.”

I’ve gained 5 pounds

“I’ve decided to buy a lighter bike.”

I’ve gained 10 pounds

“That climb wasn’t that bad!”

I’m going to puke

“I’m carbo loading.”

Pass the beer

“I’m tapering.”

I haven’t ridden in 2 months